Killing me with Love

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What's going on?  Something's happened to my humans.  They won't go out to work.  I think that they've decided they can't bear to leave me.  At last, my devotion to them is being reciprocated in full.

I never understood why they'd go out and leave me before.  I would never do that. Well, maybe just for a poo in the garden or (if I was allowed) I'd chase a cat down the road.  But I'd return straight away.  I like to stay close to my humans.  And now they have decided to stay close to me.  They're here all the time.

On top of this, I'm getting more walks each day.  Different humans take me out.  One even makes me go with her while she runs.  Now, I shouldn't complain, but fucking hell, I've only got so much energy.  Have you seen my legs?  They're like 4 sausage ends sticking out of a toad in the hole.  I can't do it. I can't do an hour and a half's walk in the morning, another hour in the afternoon and a bloody sprint in the evening.  It's killing me.

Then there's this strange behaviour when my humans see other humans.  I get that they don't want to smell their bums - I still think they should, it's just sociable - but recently they have been giving everyone a really wide berth, walking off the path to make sure they are nowhere near someone passing the other way.  They still smile and nod or say hello, but I don't get the distancing stuff.  Maybe other people's bums are now TOO smelly.

As for visitors, we don't get ANY now.  I'm feeling a bit guilty about that, because I bark at everyone who comes anywhere near the house, if I'm sat on my window seat looking out of the kitchen.  Once visitors are allowed in, I'm all over them, wagging and jumping up and showing love.  Don't ask me why I scare them off then welcome them in.  I guess that's just some illogical dog DNA driving me to act in this contradictory manner.  But it seems to have led to my humans not allowing anyone to come in the house.  They aren't actually joining me in barking at people from the window, but they must be doing something to deter visitors.

That has me worried now.  The avoidance of other humans in public, the lack of visitors, the not going out... My humans have become social pariahs.  Like some dogs I know.  You know, those dogs that only get walked at night, are always kept on a lead and tasered with an electrified cattle prod if they get too aggressive.  My humans have become Rottweilers. Playful and friendly in their own home, bastards out in public.

Ah well, that's everyone else's loss and my gain.  I'm off now to find a lap to curl up and sleep on.  I have more choice than ever these days.

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